Falling In Love

"Let GO, Mia!"

"I don't WANT TO, KAREN!"

Mia was hanging over the edge of the Cliff of Love. She had taken the bus there. The bus that took a detour to 3 other towns and stopped at 45 stops. She had stared at the back of the seat in front of her which was filled with words written with black markers. They created sentences like: "Are you sure you want to do this?" "Get off next stop, gurl." "Baby, think twice." She'd stared out of the window where her imagination was reflected in the mirror. She saw small sequences of what life with Sam would be like. She'd heard about this bus trip from other people. Some people had said it was pure bliss but most people said it was a bumpy ride. After 1,5 hour she stepped out the bus where a baby boomer greeted her. "Hi there, hun'!" she said. "My name is Karen and I'm here to help you over the edge."

"Here at F.I.S.E, which stands for-" "Fit Into Society's Expectations, I know." Mia cringed saying the name. "Good job, Mia. Yes, here at F.I.S.E we are happy to help you fall in love. Come with me. We'll get you a parachute." As they walked to a shed a couple of hundred meters from the edge Mia watched a girl make the leap. The tall, lean girl walked calmly to the edge high fived her Encourager, grinned at her as she turned around, crossed her arms and let herself fall back first off the Cliff of Love. Mia took a deep breath, closed her eyes and thought of Sam and his big stupid smile. As she breathed out she smiled. "See, hun'. You can do it!" Karen said. In the same instance a bus full of teenagers pulled up. The teenagers never bought the Safety Package, they were always so bold and so sure. The doors of the bus opened and the youngsters sprinted for the edge and jumped right off next to the sign "First Timers". They leaped without precaution and Karen sighed and said with melancholy in her voice: "Ah yes, you only get to jump once with your heart still whole.." Mia was frozen. She remembered her first jump. She'd been so excited, her head had been spinning and it felt like her body couldn't contain her heart. She'd fallen sweetly for a shorter amount of time than average, but a time which was normal for First Timers. After a time she hit the first branch growing out of the side of the cliff and she'd never forget how abruptly the ground had greeted her body bruising it black and blue. "No one time is the same, sweety." Karen said and gently laid an arm around Mia and squeezed her opposite shoulder. "Just as no guy is the same, hun'. I must say your Sam sounded like a real lovely man on the administration papers, doll." Mia shook her head to unfreeze. "Ehm, yeah.. Yes. Yes, he really is." she smiled shyly at Karen, grateful that she brought her back to the present. "I'm glad, hun'. Now here, put this parachute on." Karen handed Mia the backpack with the parachute in it. "So I just pull this string if it goes wrong?" Mia asked and pointed to a string with a red ring attached at the end. "Yes, of course. But always see if you can make it without first, right? If you might make it long enough to have kids, we will reimburse you 7% of the Falling Fee per kid!" Mia knew about this policy but it made her blood boil sometimes. She pushed it out of her head and tried to stay focused on Sam. Sam was the reason she was here. She was ready to fall again, wasn't she? That's what all her friends had told her. And Sam was so good for her. "Come on, hun'." Karen said and laid a hand on Mia's back pushing her forward. They walked slowly to the edge of the cliff. Mia's heart started racing, as if it tried to break out of her rib cage and run back to the bus. "Deep breaths, doll. You got this." Karen said when she noticed Mia pushing back against the hand she'd laid on her back. Mia couldn't talk. Karen kept encouraging: "You've got the parachute, honey. We've got you. Pull the string and it'll fold out and bring you whereever you need to go whether you want to land on delusion, rage or emigration or whatever you want!" Mia took slow steps towards the edge. Karen looked at her with kind eyes: "Do you wanna do the worm?" Mia nodded. They were about two meters from the edge. Mia got down on her stomach and got ready to worm her way over the edge. "You're doing a great job, Mia." Karen said. "Really?" Mia's heart was beating hard and she had broken a sweat. "Come on, you're so close, hun'." Karen stepped closer to Mia's face. Mia stared at Karen's shoes only inches from her nose and looked all the way up to meet Karen's gaze. "Don't make me get tough with you, doll. You signed up for this for a reason. Think of Sam, hun'. Think of Sam." Mia closed her eyes, took a deep breath and said: "Yes, Karen. You're right. I can fall for Sam." Mia started worming her way back inch by inch, Karen's shoes always staying right in front of her nose. Mia gasped as she felt the ground disappear under her toes. "It's okay, hun'. Keep going." Mia started to hate the sound of Karen's voice. What the hell did she know anyway? She'd just read her files and now she thought she knew every single fear Mia had? "Knee caps next, sweety." Karen said, moving a tiny bit closer to Mia's nose with her shoes. Another deep breath. "Hun', sometimes you just need a little help. I could push you backwards?" Karen offered. "Shut up, Karen." it flew out Mia. "Mia, Sam is no Benjamin. It'll be different this time." "Yeah, it'll be different, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt." "No that's already stated in the form you filled out, hun'. No one knows what will happen, but you're here for a reason, right?" Karen squatted down. "Look me in eye, Mia." Mia groaned annoyed. "Do it, hun'." "Okay, then." Mia snickered. Karen sighed. "You're better than this, Mia." "You're better than this, Mia." Mia copied in an immature voice. "That's it, young lady. We don't got all day." Karen put a hand on either of Mia's shoulders and started pushing her over the edge. "Karen, no! You can't do this!" "Actually, I can. It's in the contract, you paid for it, hun'." Mia groaned and tried to dig her nails into the dirt and hold on but the sand betrayed her and she slipped further and further back until only her upper body was on the cliff. "THINK OF SOMETHING NICE YOU DID WITH SAM" Karen said between her clenched teeth; a drop of sweat was rolling down her face from pushing Mia. God, she hated the strong ones. "I'M TRYING." Mia managed to yell at Karen as Karen gave her a hard push sending her almost over the edge. She was now hanging on by the tips of her fingers. Karen towered over her with a triumphant smile on her face. "Now, let go, sweety. You're almost there!" "Easy for you to say, Karen!" "I've been where you are now, you'll be fine! Come on now!" "Fuck you, Karen!" Mia yelled in desperation. "THINK OF SAM, YOU STUBBORN CHILD." Karen yelled back. This one was really testing her patience. "Let GO, Mia!" Karen said as she gently placed a foot on Mia's left hand. Never had she seen purer rage than the rage she saw in Mia's eyes as she placed her foot on her hand. "I don't WANT TO, KAREN!" Mia yelled back. "You have your parachute! Now go!" "I bet this thing doesn't EVEN WORK!" Mia said "Don't you dare waste a perfectly good parachute, young lady!" Karen threatened. Mia stared Karen in the eyes and in her rage she found the courage to let go with her right hand and pull the red ring attached to the string. A recording of a mocking laughter played from her backpack. "I KNEW IT!" Mia yelled, fighting tears. "Ooooh, are you crying now?" Karen said and continued: "Did you really think you could fall for someone and bring a parachute? That's a lie we all tell ourselves, hun'." Karen laughed. "Why are you so mean to me?" Mia cried out. Then something happened in Karen's heart. A single tear that rolled down Mia's flustered cheek awakened something in her. A memory. The feeling of dangling feet with no solid ground under. Panic beating fast and hard in her chest. The terror of not knowing what was waiting below. Sympathy whispered in Karen's ear and she removed her foot from Mia's hand. Mia's sobbing went silent and she watched Karen lay down in front of her. Karen laid a hand caringly on top of Mia's clenched fingers and looked her in the eyes. "I know you're scared, hun'. It's perfectly normal. Take a deep breath, yes, that's it. I want you to think back. Think back to the moment you filled out the forms and application. Was he there with you? Was he filling out his form too next to you?" Mia nodded, the tears swelling in her eyes. "Were you excited in that moment?" Mia nodded again: "Mmhmm.." "Don't you think he is as scared as you are making the leap?" Karen inquisited again. Mia nodded again wishing she could dry the few tears falling from her eyes clouding her vision."The thing is Mia, the older we get the better we get at being our own parachutes should we need it. Eventually we have such good parachutes, we barricade ourselves behind it. But you're here for the third time. You have a thousand times more courage in you than those crazy teenagers over there." Karen nodded to her right towards the first timers just as a girl in a yellow sun dress jumped over the edge, arms wide open, screaming: "PUT A BABY IN ME, BRIAN. WOOOOO!" Karen and Mia laughed a little. "You know, the ground below may be hard or it may be a soft landing. It most likely will be a bit of both. I can't tell you what it'll be. All you gotta do, which I know deep in your heart you want to do or else you wouldn't be here, hun', is trust that you and Sam will make the fall together." Karen squeezed Mia's white knockled hands lightly and smiled to her warmly. Mia took a deep breath and thought of Sam and that stupid, gorgeous smile of his. "Thank you." she said and let go.