The Day I Invited Jealousy Inside

Feelings are visitors;

and just because they stop by and mess up your living room for a bit

doesn't mean you can't clean it up and go on.

So I invited Jealousy inside. And I sat her down. She made herself comfortable very fast and put her feet on my table. "Would you mind removing your shoes before you put your feet up?" I asked her. She just groaned, annoyed by my request. As she took her muddy shoes off she looked at me with a smirk: "You know I'm here to ruin things, right? You can try to tame me, but eventually I will ruin whatever it is you're attempting at the moment." "As you have before." I answered. But I was determined for it to be different this time. I had to try. At least she wasn't raging through my cabinets or stumbling in drunk at night and pushing me out of my bed as she used to. I'd become better at calling out for backup. "I wanna know why you're here." I asked her. "I wanna know why you're here." she mimicked back. "Rude." I said. "I can be so much more than rude." she said and grinned. "I know. You're not a good friend to me." I told her and crossed my arms. She put her feet up on the table again. "I'm never anybody's friend." she said and looked away. "You could be. But in much smaller doses. You need to stop being so full on." "As if you control that. I decide what happens in this house." she said and her eyes found mine. "You used to. I need that to change." I said. She let out a small mocking laugh. "You think this time will be different? What on Earth makes you believe you have the strength to kick me out whenever you want to? I decide just how much space I'm going to take up, how long I'm staying and how many dirty dishes I'll leave in the sink, thank you very much." "Why are you here?" I asked her again. "Why don't you ask Insecurity hiding in the closet? I'm sure she's here. I can hear her tremble." she said. "What does she have to do with it?" I asked her. "I'm not as powerful when she's not here. Haven't you noticed or are you even more retarded than I thought?" she asked. "Anyways, do you have anything to drink?" she got up and walked to the fridge. "Yeah, ehm, help yourself." I said but then changed my mind and got up and closed the fridge in front of her. "Why did you do that? I was just helping myself to a beer. Relax, woman." she said and shook her head. I could see she was getting angry. "I changed my mind. This is exactly what I mean. Don't just help yourself. I decide what you do in my house and what you can't and can't have. Sit down. I'll get you a beer." We just looked at each other for a bit while like a little power play but eventually she turned around and sat down. I got us both beers and sat down across from her again. "Cheers." I said and clinked bottles with her. She didn't say cheers back. She just looked irritated. "Why won't you let me ruin things?" she asked me. "Cause it ruins me, when you do. It's not healthy." I said. "But you're never ever gonna get rid of me." she argued. "I know." I answered and continued: "But we need some new rules. You're not the boss of me anymore. I'm never going to get rid of you, I know that. But from now on when you visit we need some rules. Don't think I don't know you'll still come stumbling through the door or jump through the window. I don't think you can ever make a quiet entrance. But after you've done that we will have a little chat, maybe a little walk even. But then I need you to leave. No sleeping in my bed. No eating all my food. And for God's sake, leave your dirty boots in the hallway."