"Hey, Have You Seen My Dignity?"

"What are you looking for?"

"Oh hey man, I was just looking for my dignity. I was SURE I left it here somewhere."

"Oh, that sucks. Have you checked your pockets?"

"Of course, I have. I'm not stupid. I'm pretty sure I left it in the top drawer, but I've looked and it's gone."

"Remember that time you put it in the freezer? That was weird."

"I was drunk."

"Still weird."

"Yeah, sure. Will you help me look?"

"Can't you just call it?"

"Ha...ha. Very funny."

"I know. I'm hilarious. That's why we're friends."

"Just look, please."

"When did you last have it?"

"Last week when I was with Karen."

"Maybe she has it?"

"Nooo, that would be strange. Why would she take my dignity?"

"I don't know. Maybe it wasn't on purpose."

"Hmm. I don't think so. I haven't really talked to her since."

"Exactly! So she might be hiding it!"

"I think that's a bit over the top."

"Well, it's not in the kitchen drawers, dude."

"Thanks for looking. Will you go through the pockets of the jackets? I tried, couldn't find anything, but you might be lucky."

"Sure thing, buddy."

...

"I still think Karen has it though. We've been through the entire house now."

"Why would she though? And why wouldn't she give it back then?"

"Well, you didn't want it back until now, right? Maybe she gets a little kick out of stealing things. You don't know her that well, bro."

"Maybe.. You have a point in there somewhere. Maybe I should give her a call."

"Or just go to her place and demand it back. And if she's not home, break in and find it. I'll help you."

"I don't know. That seems a bit too extreme... She might call the cops."

"Call the cops? Ha! SHE'S the thief!"

"Hmm.."

"Come on, man. We can take my car. Let's go right now while I'm all pumped for it."

"Okay, but I'm not paying for gas. You still owe me for the burgers."

"You got it. Let's go."