Catherine Who Hated Everything

"If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all."

Ever since Catherine was 7 years old and her grandmother had told her this she hadn't spoken a single word. Her heart was full of hatred and always had been. Her parents had brought her to several doctors who had tried to figure out why Catherine had gone mute out of the blue. She wished she had something nice to say, but she simply hated everybody and everything. She had been born with an internal rage which always burned bright. It was a lot of work keeping all of this inside, but it was worth it, because she hated to see how sad people became whenever she had opened her mouth before she stopped talking. Her first word or sound was 'ew'. Her parents had told her that she'd looked at her mother standing before her in a newly bought summer dress and all Catherine could say after having stared at the dress flowing around her mother's legs was 'ew'. First it had been funny. Little baby Catherine who said 'ew' to everything. They thought she would outgrow it, but the next words she uttered were words such as 'no', 'don't', 'stupid'. Catherine's mum took her to something she called 'Sunshine Class' but really it was just therapy for toddlers. Things had escalated and Catherine was often sent home from school because she had upset either the teacher, a classmate or both. One time she even made the school principal cry. God, how she hated when people cried. She, herself, had never cried. Something she was proud of but also hated that she wasn't capable of. It would be nice to try and feel empathy. A word her mother had said so many times in conversations with Catherine's father or their friends. A few years after Catherine stopped talking altogether people started forgetting that just because she was mute didn't mean that she couldn't hear either. She knew how people honestly felt about her. She frustrated her parents beyond belief, she knew that. She'd heard her mother cry through the bedroom walls. But she didn't feel anything but annoyance over the sound of somebody crying. One day she went to school. The first module was English, which was the class she hated the most of all. A strange boy entered the class room. "This is Anthony." their teacher said. The boy stood next to the teacher and was looking down on his shoes. "He's new to this school. So be nice to him, okay? Be a friend." the teacher smiled and continued: "Oh, and he doesn't speak, but you all know how to deal with that." The teacher winked kindly at Catherine. She hated when she pointed her out like that. Anthony went down to an empty table and the class started. Catherine kept stealing glances at Anthony. She had hated him from the first second she'd seen him. She'd hated his stupid shoes, the fact he didn't look anybody in the eye and most of all, she hated that he didn't talk. It made her feel something new. Was this curiosity? What an awfully annoying feeling, Catherine thought and turned her attention to the novel the class was reading. When the bell rang she got up and walked out of the classroom. Anthony followed her. She turned around in the hallway and faced him. He looked her straight in the eyes. He looked angry, like he was about to explode. He held out a note for Catherine to take. She grabbed it quickly and Anthony walked away. "Stop staring at me, I fucking hate that, you weirdo." the note said. Catherine's heart skipped a beat. Could Anthony be a hater too? And what was this feeling? Is this what they called excitement? Urgh, she didn't like excitement. It was too 'bouncy' this feeling. But then hatred came back and she could relax. Who was Anthony to hand her a note like that? She had to give him one back. And so she did in the next class. 'I hate notes, you asshole.' Anthony read the note and glared at her all class. The last module was cancelled and full of fury from Anthony's stupid stares Catherine decided to powerwalk home to walk just a bit of the anger off. But Anthony followed her. They had walked for 10 minutes. Anthony staying 10 meters behind Catherine. Once they got into the small path through the forest that led to Catherine's neighborhood, Anthony ran up to Catherine and stood in front of her, blocking the path. "I've NEVER hated ANYONE as much as I hated you from the second I saw you!" he yelled. Catherine was taken aback. It had been a while since somebody had yelled at her. "Fuck you!" she yelled back and she instantly covered her mouth with her hands, shocked to have spoken for the first time in 5 years. "Well, fuck you too!" Anthony yelled at her and started running away. What was this? What was this feeling Catherine experinced while Anthony ran away? Was this... Was this the feeling of being amused? She felt like this feeling wanted to get out of her body. It started by forming itself as a broad smile. She tried to fight it, but then her core muscles started almost cramping and her shoulders shook lightly. She couldn't hold it back anymore and the laughter almost sprang out of her. Her knees got weak and she fell onto the dirt path and had to hold her arms around her stomach because of the laughter. She felt so liberated. So lifted. Anthony had been a mirror and her anger had bounced back at her and shocked her. It had made her feel something other than anger and the immense relief was found in the tears that rolled down her face.